What is therapeutic fibbing?
Therapeutic fibbing is the gentle art of telling a “white lie” to comfort someone living with dementia when the full truth would cause unnecessary pain, confusion, or agitation. It’s not about deceiving for convenience. Instead, it’s about stepping into your loved one’s reality when their mind can no longer hold on to yours.
Why it helps
The next day, Walter asked again where his mother was. This time, Samantha remembered what she had read. She smiled and said, “She’s at home resting.” Walter’s shoulders softened. He nodded, satisfied, and went back to humming along with the jazz record playing in the kitchen.
In dementia care, truth can sometimes do more harm than good. Studies show that 96% of professional caregivers use therapeutic fibbing in certain situations, often to reduce emotional distress and prevent agitation. When memory loss makes retaining new information impossible, repeating painful truths means reliving grief over and over.
When fibbing may be a kinder choice
Through her reading and trial‑and‑error, Samantha discovered there were moments when therapeutic fibbing was the kindest option. It worked well when painful truths were repeatedly forgotten and asked about, when correcting him only fueled agitation, when a harmless belief brought comfort, or when he became fixated on a responsibility he no longer had. For instance, on days Walter insisted he needed to “get to work,” she would say, “The office called. Your shift was moved to tomorrow,” which quickly eased his worry.
Other optional approaches
Fibbing became one of Samantha’s tools, but not the only one. She learned to try first:
Validation therapy: “It sounds like you really miss your mom. Tell me about her.”
Redirection: Turning on his favorite jazz album or asking about his old fishing trips.
Reassurance: Simply saying, “You’re safe here, Dad. I’m right with you.”
If those didn’t work, a small fib often brought relief.
Balancing ethics and compassion
At first, Samantha felt guilty. She worried she was betraying her dad’s trust. But she understood dementia changes how the brain processes reality. The goal was no longer enforcing truth but preserving dignity and reducing suffering. She saw therapeutic fibbing as emotional truth telling, not manipulation. She told a version of the truth that kept him safe and at peace.
Practical tips for families
Know their world. Tailor your fib to their history and personality.
Keep it short and simple. Avoid over‑explaining.
Ensure safety first. Never fib about something that could cause harm.
Be gentle with yourself. Comfort‑based fibs are acts of love, not betrayal.
Seek support. Caregiver groups can offer reassurance and shared experiences.
From one caregiver to another
Samantha didn’t set out to lie to her dad. She set out to care for him in the kindest way possible. Therapeutic fibbing became one more tool in her caregiving toolkit, something she reached for when truth would only cause pain.
In dementia care, the goal isn’t to win arguments. It’s to create moments of peace. Sometimes, the gentlest truth is the one wrapped in love, even if it’s not the whole story.
Disclaimer: The individuals depicted in this story are fictional. Every person’s experience with dementia is unique; consult a qualified health care provider for guidance specific to your situation.